After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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