So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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