despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
