New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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