dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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