im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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