I feel like abortions should bother me more
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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