Got a toothbrush?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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