The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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