No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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