I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
