Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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