They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
