Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
