The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
