Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
