cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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