Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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