apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
