Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
