OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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