apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
