i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
