Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
