wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
