That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
