I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
