five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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