I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
