A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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