Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
