Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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