I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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