im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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