Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
