if you like me you must not know who I am
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
