We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
