Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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