I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
