Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
