You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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