My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
