I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
