I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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