I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
