i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
