saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
