why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
