shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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