My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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