He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
