last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
