she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
