I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
