K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
