Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
