I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
