if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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