I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
