A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
