No awkward lesbian experiences without me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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