i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
