dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
